She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
