I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize