Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
