I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
