Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
