If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Can you bring me the toilet please
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
