I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
