We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
