i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
