You're my little dorito
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
