i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
