Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
