dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
