I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
