I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
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