and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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