my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
