Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
