I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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