Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
