Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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