Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
