I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
