i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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