none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
