just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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