He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize