worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I party with great urgency now.
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