are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
All I want is dick and wine.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
