easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
