Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize