Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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