i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
