Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
