So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
