What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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