i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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