never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
