remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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