There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
