i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
