So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
