You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
