So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
