just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
