I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
