I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
