i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
