I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
