he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
