maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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