That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
