Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
