i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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