Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
