I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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