Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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