I hate all girls vehemently.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
