I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
