i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i out mim tonsoeep
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