Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
