You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
