I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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