Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
