I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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