Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
