She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
