this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
