I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
