I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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