just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
