just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
